Webupon

For years I did not have internet access, and figured I was just fine without it. What was the big thrill anyway? Email? You can do the same thing with a telephone faster. What I could not fathom was why people would spend hours, literally, surfing the net. I just could not see the attraction. Then, that magical, mystical day came. The day when my computer was hooked up to the phone line. The day that started it all.

I went online for the very first time. I did not know how to do a blasted thing. I did not know how to send email, or attachments. I had never heard of internet “cookies” and had no idea how they would taste anyway. But I was there. I was online. I was thrilled. I was just sitting there, staring at my own home page, but I was thrilled.

Then I sent my first email. It was profound. It said, “Wow, I’m sending my very first email. Aren’t I talented,” or something like that. The Lucky person who received it was deeply moved by the experience. “Wow,” I believe was the response. You would think that an affirmation of my talent would be in order, but no dice.

Even though I was a green internet rookie, I still had no clue what the fascination with the internet was. What was it that kept people online for hours on end, day after day, week after week? The answer eluded me time and again. Then, one day, absolutely without warning, I discovered the answer. People stay online for hours because that’s how long it takes.

Sometimes it takes me three or more tries just to get online in the first place. Then, just when I’m getting settled in, something happens on the phone line and I get cut off. It is, I believe, the rudest hang up on the planet, especially when you’ve just spent ten minutes trying to make the connection. Then I get there, but I can’t type my destination into the home page until the pc stops twiddling its thumbs and gets all the little pictures, windows, bells and whistles all set up in a row.

Finally, it’s ready and I can go someplace. I type in the wrong address, and then sit for a time while more twiddling goes on, then get mad when the white screen comes on telling me that page doesn’t exist. I just love that. After eons pass, I get to where I wanted to be, only to find that it was not what I thought it was and I click it off, but it doesn’t just go away, it….you guessed it. It cuts me off entirely.

So, I guess that explains it. The reason people spend hours on the internet is because most of the time they have no choice. It’s a matter of “hurry up and wait” and then “hurry up and do it again.” I wonder what the fascination with high speed internet is?