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Dating sites are used by the desperate. Yes, there are those who will read an article like this and out of curiosity give them a try, but the majority who join dating sites are desperate.

The desperate join dating sites to meet other desperate people. Some not desperate. Some are running scams.

There are those who post photos of models and houses plucked from Photo Bucket and claim this is their face or where they live. You can never know in cyberspace and being extra careful is mandatory.

This is How To Protect Yourself.

First step; create a new user on your computer.

Whether you use Windows or Linux, get to your Admin or Root and create a New User.

That New User will create his/her own email and messaging account. This means You are not bothered by messages from the dating sites  until you  wish to be.

Let me be adamant about what kind of Email account you create;  one on hotmail or another such public provider, in which you LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING and use an obvious nick; not even “Linda234″ is wise; better KMYJT or FLyaKite.

These kind of pseudonyms on this kind of provider, (where you’ve been very careful to insure that there is no personal information) Shouts to any scammer or stalker that you are going to be a difficult mark.

Further, you protect yourself from you, if you are pathetic. You need to log out of your computer as You and relog on as Pathetic for your dating experience. Only when you chose to be in communication with those on the dating site you are.

The second step is to be vague.

Yes, you’re a 43 year old divorcee. Yes, you have two children. Yes, you live in Maine. And that’s enough.

Post about your interests, sports, politics, literature, a fun site you visited, a movie you saw, a fantastic meal you had. He doesn’t need to know your real name. He doesn’t need to know the names of your kids. He doesn’t need to know which city or what kind of house you live in.

And he doesn’t need to know your financial status.

If he starts to give you more information than he’s a 46 year old divorcee who has two kids and lives in Vermont, your radar should start flashing.

Why is he telling you he owns a six bedroom mansion? Men who own six bedroom mansions are not on dating sites. They are being run down by every single golddigger in their town, from 17 year old cheerleaders to 53 year old widows. He surely wouldn’t tell you about his wealth so you could join the money grubbing crew. If he is so handsome, according to that photo, he wouldn’t be on dating sites, he’d be sitting at a corner table checking ‘the talent’.

As soon as a guy on a dating site tries to impress you, mark ‘Scam’ over his name. If he was so handsome and had so much money and was looking for an honest woman, he’d post a photo of a puppy and avoid all discussion of finance.

Of course, if he were a 19 year old Nigerian scammer, he would be trying to impress you.

Your Third caveat is to Avoid Intensity

Stay on email for a month before thinking of Instant Messaging. Email means you have to write, reread, before pushing send, so are maintaining a kind of decorum required between strangers. People who opt for instant messaging too early are more desperate than others.

You don’t want to appear that desperate.

Slow this relationship to a crawl. Do NOT log on as your ‘Dating’ user until very late in the day. When you see a few messages from this one, a message from that one, fine. Normal. When you see ten messages from Another One, you  have met an insane Stalker, or a Scammer.

When dealing with an insane stalker/scammer, for every three emails he sends, you write one and increase the time between receiving his posts and sending your answers.

You can’t know exactly what or why he so desperate that he sends you ten emails in ten minutes. You don’t know why he is so anxious to go to Instant Messaging.

Before you think of ‘love’ let us rule out the other very real possibilities.

For example, he may need a place to crash and wants to move in with you.  This is not as unusual as you think. 

He may be a serial killer.  This is not beyond possibility. 

  He may be a Scammer trying to part you from your money. 

You don’t know why he is so very desperate, but I can tell you, it is not love.

If you slow down communication this character will move on. 

Scammers move quickly.  They have to.  The police might be moving in to shut down the cyber cafe.  Scammers have dozens of ‘fish’ frying, he can’t waste time with someone who isn’t going to fall in love with him and send her bank balance in a week or two.

Stalkers become fixated.  If you’ve met one of them, they will continue to post hot and heavy and make all sorts of demands and complaints and protestations of love. Do not panic. Send less email and don’t respond emotionally.

The character who has sent you these ten emails in ten minutes, screaming about love and needing to hear from you and suffering at your neglect does not expect to receive: “Going to the Supermarket will be back in a few hours.”

Just as making obscene and harassing phone calls were in vogue during the sixties, so today, only it’s cyberspace. You don’t need to make a cyber enemy. If he can feel he stopped communicating with you because you are so dumb you can’t even comprehend his posts, you are safe.

Control the pace

Some guys seem ever so nice for the month of emailing and so you move to Instant Messaging. Do it with a limitation. Remember; only log on to your dating account at specific times; for example, between six p.m. and eight p.m. If he demands more of your time, or if you feel you want more of him, ask yourself why.

Are you so lonely that it is any port in a storm, or out of ten semi-pathetic cyber pals he’s the least pathetic? You decide.

Stage direct meetings

Any meeting you have with him should never be one on one. Meet him at some sporting event or social occasion. Meet him in a crowd of people. See how he manages. Those who want that tryst will not get it. When you live very far apart arrange for a meeting in some other place; for example, you are taking the kids to Disney World, you are going to a convention, etc.

You do not want to find yourself in his city dependent upon him. Nor do you wish him to arrive with his suitcase on your doorstep. He may sound like a prince and you may be in love with him, but you don’t know him. Remember that.
You do not know him; only what he has displayed to you. It is not until you have spent a few hours with him in real life under various conditions and situations that you can actually assess him.

Don’t be surprised if after all these plans and promises your beloved does not show up at the meeting place. It is difficult for a nineteen year old Nigerian scam artiste to portray a 46 year old American from Vermont.