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There are a lot of people in Cyberspace whose elevators don’t go to the top floor.  You’ll meet them on Message Boards, Dating Sites, anywhere there is a human to human connect.

Many of them might seem normal, maybe with a quirk or two, but over time you’ll realise, these aren’t ‘quirks’.

As I’ve said in relation to stupid people; there is no sense arguing with them as soon you’ll forget who is the stupid one.  When you think you can hold a discussion with a nut-job it is hard to remember who is the nutjob.

Don’t share personal information.  Be as vague as you can about everything. Don’t use your real name.  Don’t become overinvolved, keep a sense of caution at all times.

Consider the Internet a bag of mixed nuts and you’ll get the idea.

These are some of the nutjobs you’ll encounter on the Internet:

Hystericus

This is someone who is incredibly passionate when all that is called for is mild affection.  Like insane stalking fans of an actor, these people see  who or what ever it is as the centre of their universe, and any ‘touch’ of their object of passion resorts in screens of hysterical typing, often in all caps, often strewn with invective.

You, who might have thought the Hystericus was a ‘friend’ now simply log off.

This is the easiest Nutjob to deal with. One simply ceases to post. 

THE GREAT I AM (TGIA)

This character might be an unemployed street sweeper, but has created a persona of incredible ‘power’.  On any site that asks for a profile you’ll see how (s)he is happy to spew all of his/her/its credentials.  The reason for this is that TGIA assumes another poster won’t dare contradict anything that emanates from his keyboard.

Catching him/her/it in complete stupidity isn’t difficult.  How you deal with it is the difference between stepping over dog poo and bathing in it.

Your response to any diatribe posted by TGIA is ‘uh huh.’

Just post uh huh send and if you want to post to someone else in the same forum, wait until there is a post between your ‘uh huh’ and your next one…or a few days have passed.

That simple ‘uh huh’ speaks more than ten screens. It shows how very disaffected you are by TGIA’s post and give him/her/it nothing to respond to.

Dying Flower

Many people like to post how they are dying of some disease to get some sort of sympathy and dispensation.  They ‘buy’ free passes because they are dying. They can be rude, they can post crap, they can get into flame wars, because they are dying, and it just doesn’t seem right to respond to them as they deserve.

The Chronically Ill expects the same treatment. Very often one of these nutjobs will make it seem that your posts have caused them to have a ‘relapse’.  They might post as their son or daughter or spouse, threatening to take action;

The first time it happens you might feel a shock of ‘guilt’ which disappates as you begin to question why would someone who is so ill get themselves deep into a conversation on whether or not a particular actor looks better with short hair.

Ignore these posts, don’t even write ‘uh huh’, see how far they go.  This is not the son/daughter/spouse…this is the nutjob him/herself looking for attention.

I can tell you of a person who faked her own death on an MB.

I’m Not But….

You’ll always find someone who will advocate some agenda of some group but preface remarks with; “I am not…(fill in)…but…”

The problem with these ‘But‘ nutjobs is that you are being sent up. This is often someone who is part and parcel of whatever group he claims not to be a member of. 

For example, a guy was notorious on fora claiming to be a heterosexual married man, yet rabidly arguing the gay cause. Everyone who disagreed with him was a ‘homophobe’, until a Radical Lesbian came on and posted; “Since you make a big show of not being Gay; shut up about Gay issues.”

This response got rid of him, so it has proven its worth.  Any Nutjob comes on purporting Not to Be a member of the group/cause he is ‘defending’, create a dual which is a member of the group/cause and go after him.

This is one of the few situations in which jumping on a Nutjob has use. He will either pm your dual with…”I’m really a gay man, but I’m pretending to be straight and married so as to identify with the straight group”…which your dual can put in the public forum for all and sundry to enjoy, or will try to join your dual in whatever
it is s/he has claimed to be.

These Nutjobs are pretty wacked, but are controllable.  

Mis Construe

You know that people from all over the world use the Internet.  XYZ can be in Beijing, Damascus, Cape Town, Kingston, or London.  The English spoken by people from other lands is not the same as that in Topeka or Lagos.

When a Brit says “I threw some fags on the fire” he is talking about pieces of wood, not homosexuals. 

To attack him, to act as if he should write in your manner is not simply rude it is ridiculous.  And becomes offensive when after he explains what he means, one maintains their translation.

Once you find that every other word you type is being attacked by a Mis Construe put him/her/it on ignore.  Do not read, respond to, or refer to the person. This is someone on their way to becoming a Hystericus or a Pit Bull.

Pit Bull

This is a person who will attack any post by anyone without reason. Some Pit Bulls are little School Boys working off their first burst of testosterone.  Others are the kind of sick and weak loser who feels better when s/he makes another feel worse. 

Pit Bulls will make posts anywhere and everywhere looking to start a fight or annoy or insult. If you can delete their comments, do it. If you can’t, put them on ignore and treat them as the final state of a Mis Construe.

Never answer. Ignore.

Don’t worry about meeting these people, you will. You will also meet some very interesting normal people.