My story starts simply with how I vowed never to join Facebook, the loophole through which I joined and finally why I think I was unceremoniously kicked off…
We all know by now Facebook has taken over the world by storm in a very methodical and controlled manner. Long before the existing Social Media craze I was along with a very small handful of other global jet-setters an early member of aSmallWorld.net. I’ve pasted Forbes’ Magazines take on it, but needles to say it is not open like Facebook and is hard to become a member of.
A Small World is great for global travelers, people in the arts, media, film, models, and the ‘hip’ crowd of Tier One cities like Shanghai, Moscow, London, New York, Milan etc. etc. It is especially good to get to know people and get trusted connections in cities you travel or move to. I had been on it for years while living in New York city but never made use, when I moved to London and didn’t know anyone it helped me get plugged in and to find a flat ASAP.
Well, I soon found a girlfriend…not your average chick around town either. Gorgeous, wealthy and an actual Princess of three countries. Major homes /estates in London, L.A., Roque Brune Cap Martin, Palm Springs and a country house in England as well. I tell you all this to give you context as to the vow I made and to whom I made to…
Anyway, dating her was initially daunting as I didn’t not ‘roll’ like that, but we fell fast in love and everything was great initially. I had only been in London a few months when we met (she’s on asmallworld.net) so I didn’t have too many friends, but the friends I did have she thought were beneath me (and her of course). I was brought to the UK to help run a global media company and she saw my ability to lead and thought I should only hang out with people who have made it or who are making it.
Well, that’s not how I am…I am a guy from simple roots and have always prided myself on treating everyone equal and with respect. When I worked at Goldman Sachs in New York, my colleagues were always shocked how wherever I went I knew the cashiers, janitors etc.
Cutting to the chase now, my girlfriend and I had a big argument about what I just outlined as I am stubborn and a man of pride and insisted people are people and I will hang out with people I like period, not based on their wallets or who they know. I did say to her I do stay away from fads and tools of the masses like Facebook…
Fast forward a year or so…we had broken up, got back together, she dumped me again and now I was basically her boy-toy but I didn’t have to pick up dinner checks anymore. We’re hanging around the main palace and things get snappy as she makes some demeaning remark about me and my friends…at the same time I notice her blackberry on the table with the Facebook application open.
At this point and for many arguments thereafter, I laid into her about here elitism and always just said…”at least I’m not on Facebook with 300+M other people”.. It was here I also swore I would never join such a lowly social network of the masses…
Here’s the Forbes Profile on aSmallWorld.net
Perks: Chit chat with the ultra-rich on the site’s forum about the best hotels in Monaco, buy a yacht from a member on the Market Guide, scour the luxury travel guide or browse the social calendar. This is by far the most active and well-known exclusive social networking site on the web … but competition is biting its heels.
Getting in: Members, who pay no fee, induct newcomers on the basis of education, profession and their network of contacts. If you don’t know a member with invite powers, you’re out of luck.
Finding a Loophole and Finally Joining Facebook
We last left off with me swearing I would never join the Princess nor the rest of the masses on Facebook. Fast forward to August 2008…I had my sons in London with me all summer while doing consulting work for the UK Government, Russian Film industry and Bollywood film productions. I’m not used to working that hard and when my sons when back to America I jumped at the chance to join a friend in St. Tropez at her estate in Ramatuelle.
When I arrived, I saw she wasn’t exaggerating…the house was settled at the highest point in St. Tropez with helicopter landing pad, amazing views, quick downhill jaunt to Club 50-50…and there were plenty of lovely ladies staying on the estate that she wanted to share me with…
I came for the weekend and ended up staying three weeks…suffice it to say I gained five pounds of delightful French Rose. the rest of the stories are X-rated and then some….the super rich know how to have fun.
So how did I get on Facebook? One of the many lovely girls there was the former Miss Canada…she took a lot of pictures and said I would not be privy to seeing them unless I joined Facebook. I informed her I could not break my word, but she could sign me up and then conveniently leave me the login information….and so my Facebook journey began in September 2008.
Facebook Addiction Sets In
I had taken the bait and was finally on Facebook now. It was Fall 2008, I was single and back in London with the UK economy collapsing. The single bit sort of didn’t last long as my host / friend from St. Tropez soon became my host in London too as my lease ran out in London I moved in her with her and her children. Renovated Gothic church flat in Camden to Notting Hill…all OK and she liked to share me with her girlfriends who were all young models…
The net-net is I didn’t have much to do except party and spend time on Facebook so I could party more…nobody was hiring so what else to do but see how many new friends you can add and people you can shock and annoy on Facebook. Truthfully, that little phase came later…initially I think I was like everyone else, posting photos of a certain type and sort to project whatever image to attract whatever you are trying to attract…
From my early Facebook days I’ll admit I had a bad habit of tagging people in random photos that were not actually them. The purpose was two-fold, one to get a laugh or annoy them if they were the sensitive / care what everyone else thinks about them type…and TWO, to send them a subtle message that I am thinking about them even if it by tagging a picture of a gargoyle as them…
I will tell you in advance that I heard through the grapevine that a reporter in the UK was doing an article on Facebook that included me for one of the stories I will tell you below…I have heard Facebook called ‘legalized stalking’ by many people and have been guilty of such acts myself, however, it is also quite good for connecting you to people of your past and helping you meet new persons of your sexual persuasion.
First I’ll tell stories from the random hook-up front and then get into my now supposedly infamous dumping of a woman on Facebook (she deserved it!).
My favourite Facebook hookup story comes from someone I had never met…by this time I had 1,100+ friends…at least half or more I had never met. When I would get bored or get home with a good buzz from being out I would start friending random people, especially hot chicks. It turns out I was widely followed as I never really told people what I was doing, but since I joined Facebook, each day I would check what famous / interesting people born or died every day and throughout the day I would post positive or interesting quotes from those people in my status…which people really liked.
Anyway, I was in Boston visiting a friend in Fall 2009. He and his wife were at work, I was there alone farting around on the computer when on Facebook chat this girl starts to chat me up and she tells me my quotes and writings had inspired her to dump her control freak boyfriend. I check out her profile while we are chatting and I see she is a 24 year old Chanel model who is smoking hot! I soon devolve the chat into how I like to play dress-up…she devolves it into nudity and telling me what she will do to me…it keeps devolving while I keep getting stiffer and yes, i’ll admit it…I wanked off to Facebook chat and it was awesome! I have never done one of those dial in phone lines…and only a few years before was able to succeed at phone sex with the Princess, but that’s because I really loved her and missed her…all this to say Facebook chat sex was pretty damned good.
In the end, I was supposed to meet that lovely lady but I managed to royally piss her off…i’ll admit I like to test women…they often profess their love, but to me true love is unconditional…so I like to see how far I can go…the keepers know how to deal with me and love me for who I am…she went from loving me to hating me in less than a week…not a keeper!
In the interest of time i’ll give an ESPN highlight film of a few other chick adventures I had before the Facebook police kicked me off (i’m back on under a secret profile…ha-ha!). In the Fall of 2009 I connected with a girlfriend from high school who is now married…turns out we still have a connection and I ended up being caught with her in her shower by her husband…it’s OK we’re all friends now. Next, a really hot Asian woman started chatting me up one night…two nights later she has her husband pick me up and drive me to their vacation home where he deposits me for her to meet the following day…It turns out they had an open marriage…fast forward a few more weeks and her husband, me, her husbands girlfriend, she and I all had brunch together like nothing was strange…
Now for my supposedly infamous and heinous act…By the Spring of 2009 I had moved back to the States as London was eating holes in my pockets and the CEO job I had in London was put on the back-burner due to economic uncertainty. I had landed a client in New York City and while out at a dinner party one night I reconnected with a woman I had hooked up with 15+ years earlier in New York right before I got married. I had married young, she went off to travel and work for one of her father’s companies in Paris and then London. We knew people in London in common but had never connected until at a random dinner party in New York.
Our first night of reconnecting went well, I brought her and three other girls back to the flat I was staying at for hours of partying and dress up in my hosts fur coat collection…We went out a few more times and connected randomly at another party when she made her intentions clear she wanted to date in a steady / committed fashion. I was quite drink at the time and told her I wasn’t really in a place financially and I also was so busy I didn’t want to commit to all the requisite boyfriend duties expected by most women (calling every day, flowers, etc.).
I also told her I had made mistakes in the past and cheated on women, but that I had learned my lesson and when I commit…I commit 110%. With that being said, I would not tolerate jealousy and BS games as life is too short and if you don’t have trust what do you have? She agreed on all fronts and said she would not be high maintenance, jealous type etc.
Fast forward six weeks…we have become a hot item in the NYC social scene as her family is very old $$$ Upper East Side New York. We host a party at her parents place, I get along fabulously with her parents and then comes the weekend of the Veuve Cliquot Polo Match on Governor’s Island with Prince Harry. We go to the match…co-workers of mine come with us and at the match I quickly get bored of everyone standing around acting snobby so I ditched the gal I was dating and everyone and went to hang out at the children’s table as they looked far less stuck up.
To make a long story short, she sulked and pouted that I left to hang out with the children…I then saw a beautiful woman in the crowd with her kids, made a B-line to her and spent the rest of the match with her, her friends and her children. Matters were not soon helped as one of the photos of the match by celebrity photographers was me escorting this lovely lady across the field…people called the photo ‘Camelot’.
It would take many more pages to explain the nuances of what happened next, but needless to say…the woman I was dating got very jealous…she then wouldn’t call or talk to me of which I really didn’t care about nor was I going to play her games…someone on my Facebook wall posted a message…”I heard you’re getting serious and married to a girl in New York” to which I responded…”Nope, I am off the hook…I never asked her Father”.
This apparently incensed the girl and she had her father call me and threaten to file suit against me unless I took down all images of us/her on my facebook page…37 year old girl has daddy call and threaten me over that…
Recipe for Getting Kicked Off Facebook…
Fake ‘Friends’ and Facebook Spies
So how did I get kicked off Facebook?
One of the contributors was likely what I called ‘Facebook Pranking’. This is the art of adding random friends and telling them what you are really thinking based on their profile photo. I have over a 100 of these at least, but placed a few below for you in the Flickr slide show album to give you a tame idea of FB pranking.
I don’t actually know but I have my suspicions. What I can tell you from experience is that you get an email message from Facebook warning you about ‘Terms & Conditions’ and that they have removed a photo considered inappropriate. They don’t tell you what photo or subject matter it is…so you really don’t know…In my case I suspect one of my scorned X’s was stalking, flagging and reporting me for a lack of nothing better to do. My children were in my network as were some of their friends so I never posted anything inappropriate to them.
However, I will warn you Facebook Email / Messages are not private as you might think a free email account would/should be. One morning I was roaming around the kitchen when I was inspired to take a photo of my penis laid out with a basting brush over it…I attached the photo in a private message to my girlfriend…as soon as I hit ’send’ … the system hiccuped…I checked the sent message folder and it was nowhere to be found…Facebook apparently has a penis recognition technology as this was one of my warnings…I can see keeping that kind of image off of walls and public photo albums…but private messages between adults?
Well, one day I woke up and tried to login and was greeted to the message that my account had been disabled for violations…the thing that sucks most is the photo albums and pictures you don’t have backed up on your hard drive…
So what did I do? What any logical person would do…I created a new account linked to new email addresses…I tried to use the first name “King of “, last name “Universe”. Facebook’s algorithms rejected ‘Universe’ as a last name so I had to get creative…my first name is now ‘Slord’ (Supreme Lord), last name ‘Suniverse’…this was to get around it rejecting Universe as a last name…
Happy Trails…Slord Suniverse
Facebook Chick Stories & Facebook Chat Sex