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If you were to describe yourself to a stranger – what would you say? How would you describe your personality?

Internet dating is rather like approaching a stranger; and the first thing those many strangers will know about you are the words in your profile and any photos that you upload. If it’s a personal ad in a newspaper or magazine, getting the “essence” of you and what you are about is even harder. So how do you write that “killer” profile that will make everyone out there is cyberspace want to know you?

Most dating websites try to help. Basic information like age, height and hair colour is usually taken care with tick boxes or pull-down menus. The hard part is the large text box where you have to describe yourself.

Whether it’s a profile on a dating website or a personal ad in a newspaper or magazine, the first thing is a punchy title or strap line as it’s known in the media business – something that will grab attention. It has to be inviting and warm, but not overly bombastic, too long or over-confident. Perhaps something that includes a hobby or describes a major part of your life. For instance, supposing you enjoy the opera and country walks, a title like this might work: “Muddy walks or the opera?” Your title could describe something that is important to you in a relationship; perhaps your country of origin; maybe business interests. How does “Romantic Aussie entrepreneur” sound? The title can be that simple, just three words, in the right order: “Aussie Entrepreneur and romantic” doesn’t work so well; it implies that your business life comes before romance – unless of course that is what you are looking for.

Try to avoid meaningless clichés like – “Life loving, slim and single”. This sounds okay until you analyse them a bit more. Isn’t it reasonable to assume that ninety-nine percent of the population is “life loving” – so does this cliché say anything about you? On dating websites your physical attributes are taken care of in tick boxes or pull-down menus. Repeating that you are “slim” doesn’t really add anything and it might be interpreted that you can’t think of anything else to say. The same goes for “single” – you probably wouldn’t be on a dating website if you had a partner or were married!

Now down to the nitty-gritty of your description. There are plenty of words and phrases that say nothing and should be avoided – here are a few of them: easy-going, friendly, honest, interesting, warm, genuine, fun-loving, generous, kind, down-to-earth, and good-sense-of humour. What is so terrible about these words? After all, probably most of them apply to you. Well think of the opposite for a moment: inflexible, unfriendly, deceptive, boring, cold, liar, miserable, mean, cruel, head-in-the-clouds, and serious. Not exactly “inviting” are they! If we take for example, the word “genuine”, in a way it is an “obvious” word because look at the opposite meaning – deceptive. And one would hope that everyone with a profile on a dating website will be genuine. The truth is, no one ever gets to find this out for sure until they have met the person, perhaps after quite a few times.

Think what would make you respond to a profile or personal ad. The key to a good ad is to describe the things you are passionate about and enjoy – because after all, you will want to share at least some of these activities with your potential mate. This is a nicely written ad I saw some years ago: “Inspired by Buddhism, meditation, sunsets, the sea, country meadows, classical music and travel to distant lands…” It gives a sense of passion, of being engaged with the world, of romance, without actually saying the word “romantic”. In just a few words, it almost paints a picture. What about this example, “looking to share a sensuous and wonderful stroll into tomorrow and beyond…” This works fairly well, if a little gushy, but it’s important to write from the heart. Compare that with this bland ad: “I like laughing, talking, food and all the good things in life.” – Well who doesn’t like laughing, talking and food! This may be an extreme example, but I’ve seen similar many times.

The great thing about Internet dating is that on most websites you have plenty of room to say what you want. The danger is writing too much – there is no need to write your whole life story! In fact, holding back and being slightly mysterious can work. The other advantage with websites is that you can upload one or more photos. But avoid using a passport photo; they look posed and formal. Perhaps ask a friend to pick a couple of snapshots. Having twenty pictures is an “over-kill” and shouts out “me, me, and me”!

Finally, you might ask what is the worst thing you can say in a personal add or profile. The one I personally hate the most is “I don”t bite – unless you want me too…’ Oh yuck, I think I’m going to throw up!