Are On-line friendships real?
Up until 2007 I was not one to frequent chat rooms and web forums. I’d dabble here and there. I’d jump in on some conversations but I never really formed any friendships. In 2007, I joined a web community called Wisconsin Metal Alliance. To be honest, I joined this web forum at the request of the drummer of the band I sing for. The motivation was to try and get booked on a show the WMA was putting together. As I submitted an application to have my band become a WMA member band, I began to make myself a presence on the internet forums. Had the band been rejected, that probably would have been the end of it.
Image via Wikipedia
Our band was accepted, however, and I became a forum regular. Over the past two years, as a member of the WMA community, I feel I’ve made some friends, both virtual and real.
When I say, “virtual friends”, I am referring to people I have not actually met face to face. Although I’ve not met these people face to face, I feel I could sit and have a beer with them and have a conversation with them if ever we were to meet in person. The “real” friends I refer to are people I actually have met. I’ve played gigs with them and I’ve hung out and partied with them. I’d have them over to my house for a barbecue.
The only other Internet forum on which I’ve become a regular is a writer’s community. I joined this community to share writing experiences, to learn and gain skill as a writer, and to share companionship with other writers. This community is markedly different than the WMA. This writer’s community is much larger. It is international and its members have a much more diverse set of views and opinions.
The WMA is mainly heavy metal musicians and aficionados from Wisconsin with liberal-leaning tendencies. Therefore there is a lot more camaraderie amongst the members. The writer’s community, being much larger and more diverse, leaves open the possibility for more dissent. It is also unlikely that I will ever meet any of the members in person. Because of this, friendships I’ve made are, and will likely remain virtual friendships.
This is where the “curious” part comes in:
How does one treat these friendships? I know that I am writing this at the risk of offending some of my virtual friends, but it is something I’ve been thinking about for awhile. I grew up in the ’70s and 80s before there was anything like the Internet and email and chat rooms, etc. I did not grow up forming friendships on-line. So for me there is a distinction between real and virtual friendship. Virtual friendships carry many of the characteristics of real friendships, however, a big difference is the missing face-to-face nature of a real friendship. Real friends are people that you live with on a daily basis. For all intents and purposes, virtual friends are words on a screen and perhaps a photograph. Does this mean there cannot be emotional attachment? I don’t know.
I think people can be friends on-line, but I would not become close enough to a person on-line to travel where they are to visit in the hospital. I cannot imagine becoming so emotionally invested in virtual friends that I’d lose sleep if I lost one. I don’t get upset if I have an argument with a virtual friend. I’d like to know what other people feel. Do you have on line friends? Is it the same thing as regular in-person friendships? Can one really develop a close bond with a person on-line?
October 15th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Nice band…I have also a band here in the Philippines. Im a guitarist in the band.
October 15th, 2009 at 7:25 am
For the record, that is not a picture of my band. That is a picture of the band, Hammersfall.
I swear to god I put double spaces between paragraphs.
October 15th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Interesting. Triond has been my first experience with a virtual community and virtual friendships. It is a unique experience that I am still sorting out as well. I just sent flowers (real flowers not virtual ones) to one of my friends here, which to me was partly an expression of the fact that I do consider them a very ‘real’ friend. The virtual friendships definitely aren’t as ‘messy’ and don’t require as much to maintain as face to face, partly because you don’t have to worry about physically fitting them into your schedule. However I feel I have developed some very close friendships in a very short time online which would probably not have happen near so quickly in person. You can read more of my observations in this article written a few months ago.
http://purpleslinky.com/offbeat/ill-meet-you-at-the-on-line-pub/
October 15th, 2009 at 11:42 am
On-line friendships & cooperation can change this world, if the gist of the article under title, Beyond The Mirage of The Alluring Programs on The Internet, published at this very site, would be acted upon, diligently.
October 20th, 2009 at 6:53 am
i would have to say that it depends on the person. there are a couple of people here that if i were to meet them in person i think wouold like to. I have a few virtual friends, but all in all i consider them to be just as good as the friends that live near me,,,,
October 20th, 2009 at 10:15 am
To me, the people I meet online are real friends. I also found out that you can form a very close bond with someone you have never met in person. I know that from first hand experience.
October 20th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I treat online friends better than those in real life; but I have come to find online people are fickle.
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 am
Thanks for the comments everyone. I\’ve been re-thinking the last paragraph of this article. Also, it has opened up many more questions in my mind.
I pretty much do the same as you Gringo, treat online friends better than my real life friends.
I think, Theresa, you are correct, it does depend greatly on the person.
Katie, I think some of what\’s led me to question all this is the quickness with which some of my friendships online have formed.
October 25th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
hmmmm interesting…Nate.
October 27th, 2009 at 3:11 am
Good stuff….
October 27th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Seriously, all my friends are online. I enjoy the banter and the exchange of ideas. I feel for them when they’re hurting, seems rediculous but true and I celebrate with them when they’re celebrating. I think virtual friendships are wonderful.
Great article.
October 28th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Thought provoking Nate–good article.
I can communicate through written word easier than spoken–I’m quite shy and reserved usually. So yes I think mutual admiration and friendship is very possible on line.
October 28th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
One of my best friends I used to only see once per year, at a science fiction convention and then, just minutes each day in passing the halls en~route to different exhibitions and stage performances. We’d stop and compare our purchases, tales, etc. and be off in the other direction. Yet still, she is like a sister to me and we understood this. Our friendship is quite ‘virtual’ in that we hardly ever have time to meet irl.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I like online friends.
November 21st, 2009 at 12:46 am
I met my husband in the first real chat room I had ever been in, one for The Amazing Race, reality TV show, shortly after we got married CBS (the network who aired the show) dropped all their chat rooms, I think in particular because of some of the actions and spoilers being conducted in the Big Brother and Survivor chat rooms, but the Amazing Race chat room was a really good group of people in general. By the way, I was not looking for a relationship but one formed after being in the chat room for more than a year.
December 4th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
WOW this is a great article. I like the term virtual friendship. I have crossed the line, I suppose at times of what is a real friendship and what is not. I prefer a real friendship to a virtual one, some people that I have met online are like a lot who, for reasons they only know want to remain anonymous, sometimes the as I call it ” just letters of the alphabet” seem to blur into a semi real relationship, however I wouldn’t bet the farm on it, so to speak,
great job here:}
December 9th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Do I have online friends? Yes, several that I trust and we have alot in common
Is it the same thing as regular in-person friendships? Yes and No, for example, I share more with my online friends than I do with my in-person friends.
Can one develop a close bond with someone online?
.
Can’t speak for anyone else but I have definitely formed a close bond with a couple of people online