Are You Addicted to The Internet?

Internet Addiction?

Do you spend too much time on the Internet? Are you beginning to suspect that you might have an Internet addiction? Internet addiction can affect aspects of your life in some strange and disturbing ways, but remember – the first step to resolving an issue is accepting it’s existence, so here I present you with a tongue in cheek checklist of a few signs to be on the look out for!

#. Your social life:

• The first thing you do when you wake up is switch on the P.C

• your best friend lives 2,000 miles away and you have never met them in person

• reputation is now judged by how big your green or red bar is and your post count

• you interact with other human beings now only through email messaging and forums – the one exception is when opening the door to the delivery man

• the outside world scares you – it’s safer indoor behind the screen

• you have so many alter ego’s that you forgot who you really are

#. Your health life:

• you have carpel tunnel syndrome and repetitive strain injury from the mouse & keyboard

• you have lost the ability to focus your eyes further than three feet

• standing up and sitting down is the limit of your daily exercise

• you have lost the ability to see in three dimensions – your body decided you didn’t need it anymore and switched off one eye

• the only sport you do is surfing… the Internet

#. Your financial life:

• you haven’t spent a dollar / pound that wasn’t digital since the 90’s

• you now need a review to buy anything

• the only way you now know how to shop is online

• you search for things to buy using the online searches only – the idea of searching the high street is novel and daunting

• you forgot that money comes in paper and coin – not just 0’s & 1’s

• your shopping trolley is now only virtual and you place items in it not by hand, but by clicks

• work called – you have to have a talk with your boss for your constant lateness (caused by you trying to spend ‘just five minutes more’ online before you head out the door to work)

• work called – you’re fired for absenteeism and not showing up for the talk with your boss

• As long as you have enough money left to pay for electricity and your Internet service provider, all is well

#. Your sense of reality:

• you know what Pwnd means, don’t you??! !!!1 111

• you know what icanhazcheesburgers is

• you have seen your house from space

• you say Laugh Out Loud in verbal conversation

• you no longer read a newspaper or magazine unless it’s digital

• you have seen the star wars light-saber kid

• you have been rick rolled at least once

• you have lost the ability to write by hand

• you have been bombarded with approximately 546,977 adverts encouraging you to make your lips/ ass/ genitals/ breasts bigger

• you have been bombarded with approximately 546,977 adverts encouraging you to make your lips/ ass/ genitals/ breasts bigger AND you actually clicked one out of curiosity

• you have seen enough conspiracy theories to keep the X files writing team busy for untold seasons

• you go to check something on Wikipedia and get sucked in and before you know it hours have passed and the sun has risen and fallen – twice

• you haven’t seen the sun except through a window pane since 2002

• you forgot what birds sound like when they sing, unless they Twitter

• you forgot what the feel of grass is like under your bare feet

• people you once knew are starting to forget you ever existed

• Your cat / dog / hamster left you for someone who would feed them instead

• the last thing you do at night is switch off the P.C

If you are still reading this there may be no chance for you, quickly, to the next Internet portal!

The Internet is an incredible tool like nothing ever in the history of humanity, but for a few, maybe it should come with a caution: “Abandon all hope ye who enter here!”

And uh, next time you go out to the high street, would you pick me up some food? – I’d go myself but I just have some things to read on the Internet..

Peace