Webupon

One of the best resources on the Internet for public domain films is The Internet Archive:

If you’ve never visited the site, you’ll thank ol’ SlackerDan for pointing you in the direction to literally thousands of film clips and movies available for download. If you regularly visit the Internet Archive, you already know that many of the videos are very, very strange. Here are eleven clips of some of the weirdest, just click on the pictures and step into the bizarre.

1. One Got Fat

Watching children wearing crude monkey masks biking around the neighborhood and getting into various accidents is more surreal than you might think. And, boy howdy, this educational film on bicycle safety has gotta be one of the most surreal. The creepy narration sure doesn’t help matters. Read the comments on archive.org, many of which state this film gave the viewers nightmares for years.

2. The Relaxed Wife

Proclaiming the wonders of “ataraxi medicines”, this 1957 gem portrays a stressed husband freaking out while his calm, probably tranquilized wife tries to calm him down. Lots of bizarre images in this one, but I won’t spoil it for you. Just keep in mind mixing drugs with bad acting never pays off.

3. The Talking Car

A young boy named Jimmy almost gets run over by a car, the result of which leads to his dreaming of automobiles talking to him. Fortunately he learns the “see & be seen rules” of traffic safety from the talking cars and goes on to live a full rich life not getting run over. Phew!

4. Experiments in the Revival of Organisms

(Warning! You May – And Probably Will – Find This Video Very Disturbing!)

Gotta hand it to the Soviets for weird medical experiments. Or their gross disdain for canine life. In any case, this video depicts several blood circulation experiments performed on various unlucky dogs, the unluckiest one literally losing its head in the process. Those heartless Commie doctors! Makes me glad to live in Canada, where there is subsidized health care not involving my head being removed and hooked up to machines. If you want more information on this video, (and you’re a freak if you do) check out the Wikipedia entry.

5. Lair of the Leeches

Nothing will ruin your day faster than being attacked by a giant leech. Or possibly being the guy who has to dress up like a giant leech in a horrible 50’s flick. It’d be campy and funny if it wasn’t somewhat disturbing to watch. Lots of screaming in this one, which only makes sense when you remember how loud you screamed at summer camp when a tiny leech attached itself to you.

6. Drugs Are Like That Too

Gotta love the theme song and images of drugs raining down in this anti-drug educational film. The best part of this movie, or at least one of the best parts, is the scene of a bald, portly businessman high on something cavorting around in traffic. Maybe he should have listened to Jimmy and his talking cars. The narrator of this film, Anita Bryant, goes on to compare various bad experiences to what it’s like being on drugs. Personally speaking, after watching this film I felt like I was on drugs.

7. “Heartbreak Hotel” – Gisele MacKenzie

Possibly the worst cover of an Elvis song, ever. From the 50’s show, “Your Hit Parade”, this music clip is performed by Gisele MacKenzie, a singer I suspect nobody has ever heard of. I wonder if The King saw this clip; if he did, I bet Mr. Presley shot the television with a big, big handgun.

8. TeleComics

You’d think the concept of reading comics on television would be successful, but after watching this clip you’ll realize how tragically wrong you are. Three stories here: “Danny March, Long Arm of the Law” (read: a cheesy Dick Tracy knock-off), “Space Barton”, and “Kid Champion”. All stories are portrayed in glorious black & white, with campy narration and sound effects. A horrible experience all-around.

9. Flying Saucer Trailer

The headlines scream, “Saucer Seen Over Miami!”, “Saucer Over New York!” Watch the actors in this clip react while observing a flying saucer, and notice how they seem remarkably calm. Too calm, in fact. I guess in the 50’s everyone was used to seeing UFO’s. At around the one minute mark, we’re treated to the sight of a flying saucer that looks remarkably like a giant horseshoe crab. Don’t bother trying to make sense of most of the images in this trailer, as it seems like the film editor just grabbed random clips in order to make up this weird movie.

10. Bela Lugosi Meets the Brooklyn Gorilla trailer

In the mood to see two B actors rip off Jerry Lewis & Dean Martin? Well, go no further. The guy doing the Jerry Lewis impression is frighteningly good but the Dean Martin dude has to go. His singing is horrible, simply horrible. Poor Bela Lugosi, getting involved in this tawdry mess of a movie. Watch for the obligatory guy in a bad gorilla suit, too.

11. Doomsday Horror Animation

“The Day of DOOM is coming!” Created on what must’ve been a zero budget, this is the epitome of bad movie trailers. There aren’t even actors, just horribly crude drawings and even worse narration! “It’s easier to die than to live!”… what?!? “See the movie poster for time & date”… uh, no thanks. If the trailer for the film is this bad, watching the actual movie would be an exercise in masochism.

These eleven videos are just the strange tip of the “Iceberg of Weirdness”. Next time you’re bored, search through the Internet Archive’s excellent collection of public domain movies, you’ll be glad you did. Well, maybe not as glad as possibly traumatized. LOL But well worth wasting a few hours, anyway. Good luck, and beware of the giant blood-sucking leeches.