Webupon

Because I am a Facebook addict, I spend way too much time and share way too much information on the stupid thing. I think of it as a realm, offset from reality, where I can share my interests, favorite music, and even what’s on my mind with mainly just distant acquaintances. Yeah, a few of them are my real friends that I actually talk to on a regular basis, but I’d say a good 85% of my 945 friends are just casual acquaintances ranging from people I met once drunkenly at a party to people I’ve just lost contact with over the years.

But the truth of the matter is, I generally just don’t know most of them.

Is that not weird? I’m obsessed with sharing my personal life with people I barely know, and maybe even strangers if they manage to somehow surf to my page. I’m fully aware of the fact that it’s weird, as do most facebook users, I’d assume. And this is why we always call it “facebook stalking” rather than just “using facebook.” Is this why we feel so guilty about it? Because we don’t actually KNOW each other, yet we’re sharing and learning so much personal information with each other?

That is why THE FIRST RULE OF FACEBOOK IS YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FACEBOOK.

I mean, it’s one thing to say, “Hey, post your pictures from this weekend on facebook!” to one of the few friends you actually talk to on a regular basis.

But if you were one of the regretful one night stands from a drunken night, please don’t approach me when I see you at the grocery store and acknowledge my recently tagged picture. This only serves to emphasize how damn awkward it is that even though we don’t talk, we still claim “friendship” in the online universe.

There seems to be two schools of thought on the whole facebook matter, and I have to say, neither of them make much sense. One group seems to deny facebook as a part of their actual lives, and use it as some sort of outlet for a semi-alternate persona, or maybe just a partial persona. The other group will acknowledge facebook as a part of reality and talk about it outside of the realm, and totally disregard the complete and utter awkwardness of it all.

I fall into the former category, and I am not [fully] ashamed. Facebook is not real life!

Call it denial, call psycho, call it whatever you’d like. I like to keep my online life separate from reality. I get to stalk ex crushes without feeling like too much of a creeper, pick and choose what people know about me, and can untag myself from any unflattering photos. So, please, avoid asking me in person what my elusive status update means. If I wanted you to know I would have been more obvious. And please, avoid asking me in person about my recently updated interests. If you were my real friend, you’d know what my interests are. I don’t go around asking whether you’re marrying the girl who gave birth to the baby I just saw pictures of, so leave me alone about how wasted I look in my new pictures.

Let’s talk if we’re friends in real life, but if we’re just facebook friends it’s a whole different story. Keep it on facebook, please.