Meet Mark Zuckerbergs’ Alter Ego "ZUCK" is a satire created by Stephen Roundtree, and is not intended maliciously,or with harmful intentions. The characters in this writing are purely fictional! The situations and incedents are also fictional all created by Stephen Roundtree. Any other uses of real names is accidental and coincidental, or used as a fictional depiction or personality parody (permitted under Husler Magazine v. Fallwell, 485US46, 108 S.CT 876, 99 L.Ed. 2d 41) (1988).
Hi Guys, First let me introduce myself. My name is “ZUCK”, you know the billionaire, whiz kid, and entrepreneur. You know the one that beat my friends out of all their ideas, help, and even tried to beat them out of their cash! Yea that’s me. I just have one question. Why did you people invest your money with me?
First of all, if I didn’t treat my friends and co-founders fairly, why would you guys expect me to deal with you any different? Victory is my goal, and I must achieve it at all costs. You all were and are just commodities to me, literally! I mean the more users I have the more profitable my company becomes. Like commodities and stocks, I hold on to you until your value starts to diminish and I get rid of you, like I did my co-founders. I cannot be ruled by stupid things like friendship, and loyalty! That stuff is emotional baggage, and I just can’t let something like that interfere with my dreams.
We have a different perception of life anyway. You see, the emotional disconnection makes it possible for me to view life for what it really is! Most of you will never fulfill your dreams for this fact. For me to feel empathy for “slackers” would go against everything that I stand for. I do not apologize for my success! If not for your impulsive ways, my success would not be possible!
You guys are so quick to follow the crowd. That’s a good idea, “social networking”. Ring a bell? Similar to cattle. Do you remember at the end of the movie when I said farm animals?
Hey, I bet you didn’t know I gave the government all your information. I had to. Someone has to control those who can’t control themselves! Your life is controlled by your passions and desires. You promote practices that go against nature. Your animal instincts control your reasoning and logic. Someone has to intervene, for your sake!
You probably think this is funny, but I laughed all the way to the bank! ka-ching! I almost forgot, Thanks for the huge public offering! I guess in reality you all just invested in yourselves. Since you are my product. I sell you to advertisers. How can you be angry with me when it is your worth that went down when the stock fell! You lost confidence in yourself! That is perplexing?
Ok, I have a suggestion. You guys buy some more stock, invest in yourself, and start buying some of those products being marketed on our site. This will make us both money. I mean at the end of the day, who doesn’t want to be rich? Tell the truth. You want to be rich like ZUCK!
You see, I am living my dream! It feels really good too! Most people will never live their dreams, because they are easily influenced, and prone to outside suggestions. Too busy with everyone else’s business to have any of your own. This is why you spend hours on my website. What are you doing? What do you care about someones daily routine, unless you have found nothing to do yourself! It’s nothing wrong with a few minutes here and there, but hours daily? What more can I say.
Did you know the same data that I collect from each of you, your likes, dislikes, personal preferences, age, education, race, etc. are the same things used in psychological profiles? Sounds similar to a global registry?
What about people who let your children use it. You don’t see any security issues, especially using it unmonitored. I mean seriously don’t lose the balance.
What does it do for your personality? Some people are creating alter egos and loosing all sense of true reality. You feed yourself with insincere flattery, and wonder why you are morally sick. You see without your vain desires, and lewd impulses there would be no need for my services. So I gave you access to act on them with the push of a button. How cool am I!
I do respect all of you ethically, morally, and religiously! Oops! That draw a prophet contest, I was just kidding, there was no harm intended. I’m just a funny guy! You know I have faults too, for instance, I can’t see the whole spectrum. This means my vision is a little blurry. You know my perception of what I see is not totally accurate! Can’t you tell? Well, enough for today. I have gotten everything of off of my chest, WOW!, that feels really good! “ZUCK” signing off, Thanks for your support!