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There are a lot “first times” that you will experience in your life that you will always remember. I know I’ll never forget my first day of high school, first date, first football game, and of course, my first time on Facebook. That last one might stick out to you, but it shouldn’t, because I know you are all just as addicted as I am.

For those of you that haven’t been sucked into it yet, Facebook.com is a college/high school social directory that connects people through social networks at schools. But unlike most websites, Facebook offers everything.

You can meet new people and make friends with them, send and receive messages both in private and on message boards, post and comment on photos, receive birthday reminders, join groups, and post information about yourself. What could possibly bring this many people to a simple website?

After extensive research I’ve come to the conclusion that Facebook is just another drug targeted towards teens. Heres how it works; your friend sends you an email saying “Come on man! Everybody’s doing it!”. At the time it seems perfectly innocent. You assure yourself that one time couldn’t hurt anything. But then once turns into twice, and progressively escalates to checking and updating your page every hour, on the hour.

If you have ever experimented with heroine and meth at the same time, it feels somewhat like that, except stronger. In fact, I’ve checked my Facebook twice while writing this article. What has life come to?

Before Facebook, you could just walk into class, see the teacher’s computer, and think nothing of it. But now that you’re hooked, it appears to you as the pearly gates of heaven, and the only thing important to you now is entering it’s sweet nirvana.

You spend the entire class planning out a strategy. “Okay,” the computer tells you, “It’s almost time for lunch now. Just pretend you’re a wrestler and can’t eat. The teacher will let you stay in the room with me to do “homework” if you ask, then we can be alone together, my sweet forbidden love.”

Symptons of a Facebook overdose may also include halucinations, temporary blindness, and heart palpations. If you have experienced one, or any of these, don’t worry. It’s perfectly common.

There’s no escaping the Facebook epidemic, so we might as well embrace it. Soon enough it will just be another requirement of life, such as food, water, and air.

So the next time you and your friends are looking for a drug to try, and but you just can’t seem to find nearly enough pseudoephedrine, red phosphorus, iodine, and distilled water laying around your house, give Facebook a try. Everybody’s doing it.