50 Funny Facebook Status Update Ideas

Don’t have anything cool and unique to post on your Facebook wall? Want to make your friends laugh and share your posts? Here are top 50 funny and cool ideas for your next status update on Facebook. Post some of these on your wall and your friends will surely like your next status update.

Most of these jokes and updates can also be used for SMS Jokes, status updates on Twitter and other networks where you connect with your friends and share with updates with other people. You can send some of these jokes and quotes to your mailing list or print them on a paper and throw them from the airplane There are just too many options how to use these funny quotes and updates. But one thing is for sure, these are hilarious and will make anyone laugh!

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
I said “no” to drugs, but they simply wouldn’t listen.
My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!
I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.
Peter reminds you to not play stupid with me! I’m better at it.
Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition!
X has decided to start having a balanced diet for a change – a beer in each hand!
X says how comes we live in a world where a pizza arrives before the police?
is wondering if he is too old to run away from home?
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards :-0
What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
Dear Santa, let me explain…
I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
press the star below and watch it glow
▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
X is Loading ████████████ 99%
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
X remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

X is a replacement for your name. When you post a status, do not include X. You name will be automatically shown when you post a status update on Facebook.

If you like these status updates you can share them with your friends or send this article to someone who you think will like them! And if you have another great ideas or quote on your mind, please leave a comment.

Want to find more of these? Check this out!

Check out the links above to find more quotes and great ideas that you can share with your friends on Facebook. On this article you can find 50 ideas, but if you check out the other links you will find almost a thousand great and funny saying that you can share with your friends on Facebook, Twitter and other social networks. This is the biggest list of resources where you can find ideas for funny and cool Facebook status updates and quotes. Make your friends and fans laugh! Make them happy