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For the past four years Alison has been on a determined search to find her perfect match through the world of cyber space. Dating web sites like Match.com, Perfectmatch.com and E-Harmony.com, who all claim high success rates, have all failed her. She has gone on over fifty first-dates.

You would think she should be able to find her man quite easily. At thirty-one years old, she does not look a day over twenty-five. She’s very attractive with long light brown hair and an infectious smile. She’s witty, funny, warm, friendly, charming and has a marvelous sense of humor with a contagious giggle.

Besides her physical attractiveness and personality, Ali is well educated with a Master’s Degree in Social Work and blossoming. She is independent, confident and knows what she is looking for in a guy.

I have known Alison for over ten years. To be honest, I do not know how she has not been swept off her feet yet. So what is going wrong then? Alison shares some of her thoughts.

Dating was supposed to be easier when all of these on line dating services came out. I thought for sure I’d found the perfect way to find my perfect guy. I jumped right in and started posting profiles on all of the popular sites. Each time I created a profile I became more and more excited and thought for sure my guy would find me! Four years later here I am, still single, still searching and wondering is it me?

All I’ve got to show for my efforts are tons of stories that are big hits at parties. I’ve experience it all: the hysterical, the shocking, the painful, the appalling you name it. Instead of dating becoming easier, it’s turned out to be more complicated and frustrating. The whole experience has been truly unbelievable.

I’m sure other women are going through the same thing. I just don’t know of any. I know several women who have gone on these sites and experienced instant success. They literally go on one date and meet the man of their dreams. What about me?

The biggest problem is the fake and misleading profiles. People post pictures that are either very old or of someone else. Critical data like age, occupation an especially marital status, are altered to make the person seem more attractive. The bottom line is, far too often people just aren’t who they say they are.

The other thing is, I just seem to have the worst luck. I find lots of unstable guys who seem wonderful at first, but then turn into something that I never expected. These are the ones that usually lead to the most interesting stories and unfortunately the most pain.

I have heard most of Alison’s dating stories. I have to admit some of them are beyond anyone’s wildest imagination. Hysterical, mind-boggling and disturbing do not do some of these stories justice. As a result, Alison and I sat down and wrote about a few of her favorites. Here they are with special titles.

The little engine that couldn’t

After a string of bad dates and getting hurt badly, I went through what I call and anti-dating phase. Simply put, I swore off men for a while. But, I kept my profile up on a few dating sites, just in case.

During this time a guy sent me an e-mail, which I did not read until a few weeks after he sent it. He said my profile caught his eye and I seemed like a nice person. He referenced his big family and how well he relates to children, which worked for me because I work with children every day. He seemed sweet and down to earth.

With short dark hair, dark eyes, dimples and an adorable smile he looked cute. He came across confident and normal enough. By that I mean educated, never married, lived alone, owned property, and had a good career in engineering. He even posted a nice little saying that impressed me. “It’s not common interests it’s common values.” I thought that was very cool. I figured if he was available when I was ready to date again, then it was meant to be.

Over a month later, I finally replied. “Saw you e-mailed me a while ago. I have been kind of tired of the whole dating scene. But, if you’re still interested let me know.”

He wrote back and we exchanged a few notes. A few days later we talked on the phone. But, he seemed preoccupied. He did not talk much and responded slowly. This made me uncomfortable. I did not get a good vibe. I asked him if he didn’t want to talk. He said he did, but the conversation still did not go anywhere. At that point my excitement began to dwindle about meeting him. But, we made a date anyway to meet up a few nights later.

Unfortunately, many people who use dating web sites, post either very old pictures or pictures of someone else. To my relief, I found my new friend at a table in the bar area and he looked just like his profile picture, adorable.

For three hours we shared drinks. He definitely seemed like a funny, down to earth, and confident young man. Needless to say I smiled and laughed the whole time. We decided to end our date when I told him I had enough to drink. He walked me to my car, and immediately asked when he could see me again. We made plans for that weekend.

On date two we went out to dinner. Again, we had a good time. Above all else his down to earth attitude impressed me the most. After dinner we went back to his place, sat on the couch and made out for a while. I started goofing around saying how I always get what I want. He said could see that and added, “You can get me wrapped around your finger.” All in all we pulled off an excellent second date. I felt very positive.

We started dating regularly, and I started to fall hard. I had not felt that good about someone in a long time. I thought we had great potential.

A few weeks later we became intimate for the first time. This is when things began to fall apart, because unfortunately, he had a male performance problem. Putting it nicely, he couldn’t finish. I instantly felt guilty because I thought it had to do with me. He didn’t say a word and I didn’t know what to say. I got up went to the bathroom and changed because we had dinner plans.

We drove in silence. Once we got to the restaurant I couldn’t take it anymore.

I said, “Can I ask you something?”

He said, “sure”.

“Did you….?”

“No.”

“Was it something I did?”

“It wasn’t about you.” He mumbled.

“Oh okay.” I replied

We didn’t say a word about it for the rest of the night. We were never intimate again.

The next time we got together again he did not talk much and began acting strange. Out of nowhere he blurted out, “I don’t like going out as much. I’d rather be hanging out at home. I can’t entertain you all the time. You always want to do things.”

I had no idea where that came from. I told him it was not true and that I was perfectly happy with hanging out with him at home. He didn’t argue with me or talk any more about it. The conversation was over.

A few days later, just before Christmas he told me he had to go visit his dad for a few days, who he did not have a good relationship with. We agreed to get together before he left, but he never called to confirm. So, I called him.

“What’s going on? Are you upset with me?”

“Why do you jump to conclusions?” He gave me defensively.

“Well, you said we were going to do something this week and you didn’t call me.”

I tried to question where the relationship was going, but he did not bite on the conversation. We never did get together before he left. I thought for sure it was over.

On Christmas Eve he called me and miraculously he seemed back to his old self. I had no idea what was going on at this point. But because I liked him so much we made plans to go out with friends the day Christmas Day.

We went out as planned, but again it felt weird. A sick feeling began to set in the pit of my stomach. We went back to his place and sat down on the couch. I leaned in for a kiss, but he completely backed off. Out of nowhere he said, “I’ve lost my enthusiasm for you.”

With my liquor adrenaline flowing I fired back with, “Then, what am I doing here?”

I jumped up, grabbed my coat and headed towards the door. I opened it and screamed, “I hope you find what you’re looking for!” Then slammed the door behind me.

I got in my car and cried for what seemed like forever. I finally drove home where I cried some more and swore off dating…again.

As sad as it is to say, this guy’s equipment failure crushed my ego. I realize it probably had nothing to do with me, but it’s kind of hard to shake something like that. It never happened before and thank God it has not happened again. So, it’s his problem. Right?

What are you doing? I thought you were gay?

During my adventures of cyber space dating I stumbled across something called Speed Dating. I heard about it but never tried it. Although this story did not really develop from an online dating service, that is where I discovered it.

I ventured out on my first Speed Dating event called Three Minute Dating. Every guy and girl gets a number. Each guy and girl spends three minutes together. The idea is to do something catchy, creative or unique to give the person something to remember you by. After each session you write down your impressions and if you think you are compatible or not. If you think you are, at the end of the night you circle that person’s number on a card. The company then informs the male and female who circled each other’s number. From there, it is up to you.

Number fourteen of twenty-eight was Steve. He came across very warm, sweet, and engaging. Although he was much older than me by a good fifteen years, he did have an attractiveness and charm about him. However, his tone and mannerisms were on the feminine side. Everything he talked about seemed kind of girly, even his job. He made a living as a fashion designer. He loved wine and going to outdoor concerts. I can honestly say everything he did and said oozed homosexuality because he reminded me of a gay friend of mine.

In the ten second interval after my three minutes with him, I wrote, “# 14: Steve – Gay”. What is even funnier is, I asked another woman what she wrote down for him. She put down “totally gay”. Needless to say, I did not circle his number on the card at the end of the night.

After the dating cycle ended a bunch of people agreed to hang out at a local restaurant. During the course of the evening everyone started handing out business cards to stay in touch. So, naturally I chipped in and gave mine to a few people including Steve.

A few days later he e-mailed me at work. He wrote, “The one person who I wanted to circle my number didn’t. That person was you.”

I thought it kind of strange. I didn’t really understand why. I felt a little bad. So, I replied saying I must have circled the wrong number because I thought I circled his. Not a good move on my part.

We exchanged a few short notes and agreed to hang out some time. I figured, why not. It might be cool and fun to hang out with a gay guy. He even offered to take me out for Mexican Food, which is my favorite. I figured I’d have a few laughs, some good food and a few margaritas with a guy that was probably gay.

We had a really nice time. Steve opened up being very honest and sincere. He kept telling me how he could not believe I was still single. His feminism became more obvious with every move he made. He did not try to touch me and never brought up any sexual topics. By the time dinner ended I became convinced he had to be gay. Completely innocent I agreed to go back to his house to watch Desperate Housewives and have a fruity martini drink.

During the show, at one point I put my drink down and suddenly Steve leaned in and practically mauled me. He tried kissing me with a very active tongue! I froze for what seemed like and eternity, but managed to push him away. My brain screamed, “What are you doing? You’re Gay!”

“I’ve been waiting to do that!” He blurted out.

I became even more disgusted and put my hand up towards his face. “Okay! That’s enough!” The nicest excuse I could come up with flew out of my mouth. “I don’t kiss on the first date!”

He backed off and said, “Oh. Okay”

I could not believe it. I became completely disgusted, and totally creeped out! It felt like kissing my uncle, and a gay uncle at that! Suddenly he seemed even older than his age of forty-eight, which at first I did not mind because I thought he was gay.

I put some distance between the two of us and finished watching Desperate Housewives. As soon as it ended I got up and grabbed my coat. “I’m getting kind of tired. I think I should go.” He just said okay and walked me to my car. He gave me a hug, no kiss, and left me with, “I hope we can do this again sometime.”

I drove home in shock with a sick feeling in my stomach. I screamed out loud, “You were supposed to be gay!”

We exchanged a few e-mails after that infamous date, and he kept asking me out. I kept making excuses. Eventually we just trailed off. I keep picturing him trying to kiss me and me screaming, “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be gay! Yuck!”

This story is a killer at parties. But, I have to admit. It is very funny, and I completely got what I deserved.

He just up and left…

A tall decent looking man with a good sense of humor and lots of sarcasm gets me every time. I found a guy just like that on Match.com. I would not regard him as handsome in my eyes because sparks did not fly, but he came across interesting enough in his e-mails. So, after about a week of exchanging notes and talking on the phone we decided to go out, but didn’t set an actual date because of our busy schedules.

Suddenly, he disappeared. I found that pretty rude, so I wrote him off figuring he lost interest. Then about a week later he called and told me his mother passed away. I felt like a jerk for thinking bad thoughts.

He asked me out, which I said we didn’t have to do because of his circumstances. But, he assured me he was up for it. A few nights later we met at a local Irish Bar for a few drinks. We only stayed out for a few hours, but the date went well. We joked around and talked nonstop. We even discussed nationalities, which is usually not a good topic for a first date. I quickly got reminded why. However, it did not go bad in the way you think. I described my nationality as a combination of Welsh and German. Concentrating on the Welsh part, I joked, “Yeah, I’m a hot Welsh, like Catherine Zeta Jones.” He replied, “Yeah right. Not that hot.”

Now, I am not saying that I am as hot as Catherine, and there probably aren’t too many women who are, but I certainly did not need that comment. However, I put it aside and decided to not make a big deal out of it. Besides, his mom just died so I felt bad for him.

The date ended when he walked me to my car and kissed me good night. I can’t say the kiss created any sparks, because I don’t remember much about it. I concluded that a connection did not exist between us. But he asked if he could see me again. I agreed but did not make a date again because I didn’t really feel anything between us.

I have been told that I am too picky when it comes to men. With that in mind, I said yes when he asked me to go out with him on St. Patrick’s Day. Besides, that’s as good of an excuse as any to go out and have a good time. The strange thing is, I had a chance to back out at the last minute when an old friend called. But, I went through with it anyway, which turned out to be another bad decision.

I met him at pizza restaurant for dinner and drinks. Things were going fine for about a half hour. When suddenly the date took a strange turn. He started talking sexual to me, which I steered clear of, because it made me very uncomfortable. Then, out of nowhere he stood up and lifted up his shirt, right in the middle of the restaurant. I was too shocked to even ask why he was doing that. From there it just kept getting weirder.

One second he was staring at this big cookie thing on the dessert menu, and then suddenly he said he wanted to go to a movie. He was being extremely erratic and I did not know where he was coming from or why. I told him I didn’t like going to the movies on the first few dates because you can’t talk and get to know the person. I had the feeling, after all the sexual overtures he wanted to go to a movie so he could make out with me.

After I told him no about the movie, he jumped up and went to the bathroom. The server came over and asked if we wanted the cookie. I thought he did so I went ahead and ordered it. A few minutes later he came back and his mood totally changed again. He looked exhausted, started yawning and completely stopped talking.

“You okay?” I asked concerned.

“Yeah. I’m starting to get a little tired.”

Trying to be sympathetic, I said, “Okay. If you need to go you can.”

He sat for about minute and did not say a word. Again, without warning, he gathered his stuff, sat down next to me in the booth, gave me a hug, got up and left! That’s right. He walked out on me.

I could not believe it. Completely stunned, I realized I not only got stuck with the cookie, I got stuck with the check! The server felt so bad for me he put the cookie in a to-go box. I paid the bill, took my cookie and left. I got in my car and started calling my friends. I was very upset and very hurt. I ate that monster-sized cookie the whole ride home. I didn’t even like him. He wasn’t that cute either. But my ego got crushed again. I don’t care if his mother died. That was an awful thing to do.

Alison’s closing comments

As you can see, there seems to be no limits to the types of experiences I have had dating through cyber space. For me, there is nothing easy about it. Mind you, not every date is awful and worthy of an incredible story, but the bottom line is, I have not had great success. All of these commercials on television about these dating sites make me laugh. If everyone only knew what is really going on out there. It’s just not that easy.

I’m actually really sad now. I think I need to go cry. Other than that I’m fine. By the way I have three dates scheduled for this weekend.