Webupon

Lesson #1.  Destroy Your Conscience

If you’re a savvy web-vet you probably don’t even have to deal with this one, congratulations go straight to step #2!  Those who still feel guilty when the drive thru cashier gives you too much money back – this is for you.  Some of these tactics are deceptive.  You may feel like you’re being dishonest.  Quit worrying about it!  This is the internet, everybody lies!  Besides it’s not like you’re scamming people out of money here.  You’re not even scamming them out of much time.  Just a few seconds long enough for them to realize that your blog or article isn’t what they are looking for and they scurry for the back button on their browser.  That’s not a crime, is it?

Lesson #2.  Trick People Into Coming To Your Site

Image via Wikipedia

Surely by now you have been Rick-Rolled, right?  Employ that same tactic.  Offer something the reader actually would want to read, but link to your useless article instead.  So what if they wanted to see pictures of topless celebrities, you’ve got an article comparing the best dog foods for your little ankle-biter Wubsy!

Another way to do this ties straight into Lesson #3…

Lesson #3.  Make Promises You Can’t Fulfill

A good idea might be to use a big flashy headline for your article.  I don’t know like… “How To Get Thousands of Page Views and Make Bundles Of Cash”.  Feel deceptive?  Well then go back to Lesson #1.  

Lesson #4.  Use Big Flashy Keywords

A lot like Lesson #3, I’ll admit but let me expand further upon it.  Make sure you tag your articles with plenty of hot flashy attention grabbing keywords totally unrelated to your topic.  That article about dog foods – try using keywords like sex, topless, blood, killing spree, money, cash frenzy, plague, and swine flu!

Lesson #5.  SPAM!

Image via Wikipedia

Okay this probably should be 2a, but I thought it deserved it’s own entry as it is such an effective and deceptive technique.  Post links to your articles everywhere!  Social gathering sites in which you have never posted a conversational piece and discussed a topic with anybody?  SPAM IT!!!  Job hunting sites with honest people looking to make a living in this dire economy?  Make a fake job ad and SPAM IT!!!  The comments section of FoxNews and other various websites?  SPAM IT!!!  People will make comments and voice their displeasure, but remember – we destroyed our conscience way back at Lesson #1!

Lesson #6.  More Links

If somebody was mindless enough to make it all the way through your article, even if it had nothing to do with what they were looking for, don’t forget to do them the public service of linking all the articles you’ve ever written.  Hey, and while you’re doing it you can even add in some of that other trickery, and label them as other get rich quick schemes and graphic murder photos!

**This article was written to be humorous, I’m sure plenty of people use these kind of techniques, and hey I hope you’re happy with the hits that you get.  Oh, why am I semi-apologizing?  We already established you have no guilt for what you’re doing!