Everyone likes to get email but sometimes it’s a chore to get through all those messages. Here we present a small sample of typical emails recently received in our Triond inbox. The same themes recur frequently.
Note: While all the emails in the inbox were genuine (and paraphrased), no identities have been revealed. Besides, you all know who you are The replies are fictional.
Email: Hello friend! I’m new to Triond. How do I earn more money here?
Our Reply: Sorry friend! If we knew how to earn more money, we’d be running the company by now.
Email: Read my articles and I’ll read yours. We’ll both earn more money that way.
Our Reply: There are far more people out there who *aren’t* members of Triond. Get those people to read your work. You’ll earn more money that way. We are busy trying to write. Au revoir!
Email: I saw your profile on a dating site. I’m interested in learning more about you and forming a deeper relationship. Send me a personal email (address omitted) and include a picture.
Our Reply: Thanks but no thanks! You don’t even know our gender. We’ve never ever sent anything to any dating site. Plus we’d never subscribe to a dating site that would have us as a member.
Email: a) Hello friend! I need to talk to you in private. Please contact me at (address omitted). It’s important.
Our Reply: We are strangers. You couldn’t possibly have anything important to discuss with us.
Email: b) But it is very important! You see, I’m a pastor, teacher, businessman, refugee (choose one) in [various African countries]. In order to get my money out of the country, I need someone outside [African country] to pay some fees/charges/deposits for me. Then I will come into a lot of money and you will get 10/20/30….% of it. This is absolutely foolproof.
Our Reply: Fortunately we’re absolutely not a fool. Bye now!
Email: Hi! I sees ur writtings. Their good. Plz helps me get more views.
Our Reply: Hi! Try writing in a real language. Have a nice day.
Email: Click on this link (omitted). U will earn lot of cash. Better than Triond. Do this today.
Our Reply: And yet you are a Triond member anyway.
Email: Click here to lose weight, grow hair, enlarge your boobs, enlarge your penis ad infinitum.
Our Reply: a) We aren’t fat, b) we have a full head of hair, c & d) just how many people do you know who need to have the last two treatments done simultaneously? TTFN.
Email: fdjkvnri ookmqb7 wjciwl ?
Our Reply: Keep the cat off your keyboard! There’s software to prevent that sort of thing.
Email: hi earn up to $(amount of money) week by just investing $(another amount of money) join today
Our Reply: Invest that amount of money in a class for learning punctuation. Have a nice day!
Those are merely a small sample. It just goes on and on. None of the vaguely pornographic emails have been presented here. We’ll leave those to your imagination.
Clearly these people aren’t interested in actually writing anything useful. They seem to think that our inbox is fair game for anything, no matter how silly. If that time and effort were spent producing articles, we’d all be better off.