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We all have a vice………. I wish I had less, in fact. What is a boy to do to escape the clutches of the riveting world of addiction?

I check my e-mails hourly, like I think I am going to miss out on something big. Like an offer to liberate some poor lord’s finances, he forgot he wanted to inherit to me. “Count me in!”

I sit there on my P.C. fag drooping from my lips like a spent balloon. Yet the thirst will never be quenched.

I stopped to think about this for a while recently: how come at school you are taught that when fire strikes, it’s the smoke that kills in most cases, not the flame. Yet, I am intelligent man.

I will say this of course, because it is me writing, if you wish to debate this, add me as a friend and write an article about why I am mislead in my narcissism and feel free to describe my intelligence as inanimate, as that of a bar of soap!

But as I was saying, I am an intelligent man & yet I failed to realise this prominent fact about suffocating myself for pleasure.

I mean, you wouldn’t tie a rope around your neck, or a bag over your head & have a look of contentment on your chops saying “geese! This feels good” would you? Those of you, who are nodding, please stop it. I suppose I should be liberal about it, some might. Who knows what colourful people we have within our midst?

Regardless of my ramblings & the pictures of infected lungs on packets, a cigarette feels good; however, only if you have smoked before. I can’t stand people who have never smoked saying “oh, I’m so stressed, I could really do with a fag right now, maybe It’d help?” but there’s no denying the contentment it brings a smoker.

Receiving e-mails (not from some bloke in Africa of course) is also a thrill. Not quite the same, but addictive either way. You get a kind of excitement if you are an addict, like receiving a new present or a compliment from an attractive lady. Both I do fear though, are bad for you. Whether it is socially, mentally or physically, you should stop and think about it.

Once drink is included in this equation, you might find yourself faxing your details to that nice chap, who thought of you first, when offering out some dead guy’s inheritance. Fag in one hand, beer in the other, typing in the digits of the fax with your toes.

Bad move indeed! You see where addiction leads you?

But let’s face it, if you don’t fancy yourself as much of the sporting type, or always too broke, because you decide not to be a cut throat tyrant in your life; so for your honesty, have no cash to go out as often as you like. You resign yourself to sitting at home, trying not to watch the idiot box to numb the pain, so you try to be social online.

Facebook and other subsidiaries should be either banned, or come with health warnings on them! Maybe they should have a picture of some poor kid with square eyes or similar on the welcome page?

I tried to like it; I understand the networking possibilities……

But who uses it for that, other than bombarding people with your boring life, or holiday snaps? And I admit my life is probably as uninteresting to other people, as theirs can sometimes appear to be to me.

I might be wrong but I am sure that we are all too self involved. Besides, the truth I am hiding from you really is that I am bitter because I got addicted!

In line with that, I became addicted to checking my mail as well! Plenty to do, sifting out the legit ones from the 20-40 e-mails a day about how “someone’s checking out you’re your profile, why don’t you log on now” or “Katie threw a sheep at you” or “Mandy bought you a long island ice tea.” really? Ring me up, let’s go grab a pint. I really haven’t quite mastered how to drink a cyber long island ice tea yet!! If you have, please do let me know, I’m running out of space on my computer to store all these drinks I cannot drink.

Wouldn’t it be funny though if someone did actually knock at your door, and throw a sheep at you?

No? Well, I suppose not. Animal welfare would have a field day! No pun intended!

Our government in England at the moment is putting a lot of money into sports, and getting kids to actually put down their TV, or Wii remotes, and seize the day playing sports & going out to the park instead of sitting in. They’d get a good run, dodging all the knife wielding gangs & paedophiles that roam the streets of Britain today. When you put it like that, watching the idiot box, & pretending to live seem like a safe option, but it isn’t the answer.

I am watching avidly to be honest, as we seem to be obsessively addicted to other things that make us more insular & lazy, than we are enthused toward bettering ourselves, and pushing forward.

I am included in that one.

I may not watch TV at night, or be addicted to computer games, but I do know that if you said “why don’t you go up the Gym Paul, in fact, go for a run!” I’d probably light up a fag and whilst choking on it, give you a sideways grimace in disgust.

Do you know there are people who are addicted to fitness? Ha! Yeah, I think it would be a personality transplant at fault, for me to be involved in that little crutch.

I do think it is a good idea the government is trying out though.

We are all too addicted to things, mainly indoor activities.

Even things we shouldn’t be addicted to, like E-mail!

Who’d have thought that little boy who was never at home, was always out on his bike building camps up the woods, would be peering round the door every five minutes to check his mail. And upon sighting this new “present” from cyberspace, looking down the end of a cigarette whilst reading it, with such euphoria, whilst sipping from a beer.

What a role model, what prospect for our future we have indeed.