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I haven’t had a good year. For many reasons …

January began with the sudden demise of my aunt. Her funeral was a dour affair, with non-stop rain and howling wind. To make matters worse, I stepped too close to the graveside edge, and slid in. The small group of family mourners couldn’t help themselves, they thought it was comical watching me desperately trying to scramble up the side of the grave to free myself. Even the vicar had a grin on his face.

February wasn’t much better. As an act of kindness to a neighbour, I agreed to adopt one of the kittens her beloved cat had given birth to. I quickly grew fond of the little pure black kitten, naming it Panther. I let Panther out one morning, and unwittingly sent him to his death – a milk float ran over him, squashing my pussy as flat as a pancake in the process.

March came. The wife left me for another man, presumably one with better luck than me. At least she didn’t run off with another woman.

April arrived, as did the worsening of my arthritis. With no-one to assist me at home, I spent the first week laid up in bed and unable to move. I couldn’t get up and walk around, the attack was so severe. I didn’t eat that week, but luckily for me the orange juice I keep on the bedside table meant I wouldn’t die of thirst and I was thankful for that. I wasn’t thankful for having to buy a new bed and duvet set.

May struck. And so did the lightening which destroyed my chimney stack, ripped apart my apple tree, and toasted the two pet rabbits I owned. Yet things decidedly took a turn for the worse before the merry month ended. Whilst driving home one early evening, I accidentally ran down a dog and killed it, and understandably its owner, a six-year-old girl, was heartbroken. The young girl’s father was not the type who understood things so easily, like accidents. Anyhow to cut a long story short, I was released from hospital the next day.

June is still upon us. And though it’s only Friday 13th, I’ve been very lucky so far. The car windscreen has only been shattered once, a rear tyre slashed, and just one tiny scratch on the offside wing.

I really can’t wait for next week …

PS. Of course the tale above is quite fictional, but putting a sympathy blog on your website will improve on the visitor stats – trust me!

Disclaimer: All characters are fictional and any resemblance to persons living, dead, or not yet born is purely coincidental.