Blog #2

Please remember while reading this I absolutely love my job and thank my lucky stars everyday that I work there. Now I am human, female and have manic depression so of course I want to pull my hair out and scream sometimes but I still LOVE my job. Last night was no exception.

Number one thing that annoys me to the edge of sanity:

If you are a patron do not under any circumstances take anything off a waitress’ tray ever. If you do I feel that I should reserve the right to drop my tray on your lap to show you how every action has a reaction and you sir or miss are an asshole. I also feel that I should slap you but a crotch full of beer probably gets the point across.

Number two on my list:

When I am taking an order from someone that is not you do not scream at me from across the bar/table/room ect. I am not your mother, girlfriend or wife. My dogs have more manners. I will get to you soon. Especially when I say “one moment please” EVER so kindly you should resume being silent or just continue to yell and babble like a two year old. You are my customer and you should know that you are very important to me. I want to get you wasted and have a blast with you. All you have to do is realize you are not the only one and I must divide my attention equally. I apologize for the inconvienence and I suggest you get a dog like I do so when you come home you will have more love and attention than you can possibly stand if you are so needy.

Number three here we go:

When a customer in a bar the staff always appreciates it when you stand in large groups that we can not walk through. Preferably these groups should be in hallways, doorways, main pathways and absolutely nowhere near the dance floor where it is acceptable to form such herds. I personally enjoy it when I have a heavy tray that I can not hold above my head and squeeze through people. I love walking with the fear that someone is going to knock all of my customer’s drinks out of my hands. However, I do not expect you to care because lets face it… its not your drink you have to worry about. Also, as a side note please face outward on your barstool, cross your legs and swing your feet so you can kick people in the vagina, penis, leg, stomach or face if they are that short. Don’t forget to wear boots to create maximum damages. Hey its a bar, you can’t leave unless you have a bruise or have created a few on others.

Number four, this goes along with number three a bit:

When I am walking through a crowd and I bump into you and I am forcing my way through the sea of bodies I like to be called a bitch repeatedly and elbowed. I tend to forget that I don’t belong in your way, I am just a waitress and should be treated like an absolute piece of shit. It makes my night worthwhile knowing while you didn’t tip me I still have something to remember you by. Thank you. By no means should you move out of my way and allow me to do my job instead stare at me when I ask you to move and degrate me in the process.

Number five, bring on the money… or not:

When tipping always remember that I am making less than a third of minimum wage and that is more than enough to live on. Do not burden yourself with throwing a few dollars my way because I do need to eat or pay my bills that is what homeless shelters and soup kitchens are for. Plus, if you were wondering all waitresses look forward to you paying a tab that is over a hundred dollars not because they expect a minimum of twenty bucks but we assume that you stayed long enough to spend that much because we were doing a decent job and you should then of course reward us with five or ten dollars for a troubles. It doesn’t matter that you spilt drinks and broke glass that I cleaned up quickly for you. Its extra work that I look forward to doing without being recognized by you in your gratuity. ‘Gratuity’ is thus called because you are showing your gratitude towards the person serving you in case you were wondering. So thank you for showing all of us how thankful you really are. Its why we bust are asses and have swollen ankles at night because we absolutely fucking adore going home with enough money to buy three things off the dollar menu at McDonald’s. Yeah buddy.

Just a little footnote here. I do not mean to offend anyone I am just reaching out into cyber space to all of you people who I know can relate to it. Being a server is an awesome job. You meet so many different people and they play the role of characters in your life. Some people in the world are just plain rude and it is unacceptable. We work just as hard as anyone else even if our positions do not require college and working our way up the corporate ladder. Many people who are at the top of the ladder started down here with the rest of us to pay their way through college. As a customer we do not judge you or assume you are cheap right off the bat you make yourself the stereotype. Please do not treat your server as someone that is going nowhere in their life. For all you know your tip that you give them could be going towards their mother’s hospital bills or keep a roof over their family’s head because this is their second source of income, or in my case your tip is going towards publishing my book and accomplishing my dream. So remember next time you go to a bar HAVE FUN, but also try to be aware of your surroundings. If we can all give eachother a little unspoken respect we can all have a great time together and your service will improve every time you come there!

Make sure to check out my facebook page for my novel and like it! Lets get famous together! The Tales of Dungard; Immortal Secrets.

Love ya!